TLDR: I was sexually harassed, manipulated, kicked out, and put in an extremely vulnerable place during my time at Oxford’s largest finance and consulting society. When trying to defend myself, I became involved in an extremely drawn out process of seeking justice and, to this day, there are no repercussions for the person involved.
Cath wants to say: I am writing this because I don’t want my experience to disappear. This person still has a year left at Oxford, has multiple high paying hedge fund jobs lined up, and the system upholding his actions will be around for a long time. I would like to warn future students about this. I’m also keeping everything anonymised just in case I get in trouble for defamation, but please ask me privately and I will tell you who/what to avoid.
What actually happened
What makes this sexual harassment?
- It involves an abuse of power and explicit advances with an underlying romantic interest
- He intentionally put me in subordinate and vulnerable situations
- After I rejected him, I was met with a coercive and uncomfortable environment, then kicked out of the society.
Coming to Oxford
When I came to Oxford, my career plan was to earn to give. I applied and was accepted to the biggest finance and consulting societies at Oxford. When deciding which consulting society to join, the president of one impact consulting society reached out to me via WhatsApp, scheduled a call, and convinced me to join his society. He told me that he was also the Managing Director of Oxford’s biggest finance society, which I later joined because of him.
I saw him as a mentor, since he seemed to understand why I wanted to do earning to give, was intelligent/competent at his job, and reassured me that I was choosing the right societies to join. He was also the president of the consulting society I was in, and an MD in the finance society I was in, which meant I was in contact with him very frequently. During my training days in finance, I was frequently placed under his direct management. I was allocated to his group and have him as my team leader, which I found reassuring because he created the excel sheets and homework, and would give very good feedback.
We would have dinner twice during Michaelmas Term. I saw them as networking dinners with my mentor, since this was very common within finance culture. During those dinners, he would always give me valuable career advice and tell me more about his hedge fund internships and pitch competitions. We never talked about personal things other than work-life balance, stress, and our home countries (typical networking dinner stuff). In other words, I would never indicate through my attire, behaviour, or conversation that this was anything more than friends/mentor-mentee catching up.
I initiated the first dinner because I thought it would be nice to get to know him more. I would go with specific questions, such as how his spring week applications were, how he managed the lack of sleep and stress that comes with finance jobs, and whether it was worth getting into quant trading. I didn’t expect to have any more dinners with him, but he insisted on paying for the first dinner. In my culture (and his) and according to my general understanding of etiquette, I would not let someone pay for my meal unless they were significantly older than me or was my superior in a real job setting. This made me uncomfortable, and it felt like I owed him something.
He also wouldn’t let me pay him back, and insisted that if I really wanted to, I should pay for our next dinner. So we had dinner again. I didn’t mind this at the time, since at that time I was applying for many spring weeks and needed his advice.
January 11, 2025
I was propositioned (extremely bizzarely) via text during a work-related chat.
At the time, I had been up for (successful) promotion in both the finance and consulting society. Despite having a lot of interviewers, miraculously he was my interviewer for both (my application to the M&A group of the finance society and Partnerships Director at the consulting society), which created a weird power dynamic. Now that I’m on the other side of the process, having to filter applications for programmes, I would never interview someone I was close with.
By January, I was very newly acquainted in my role.
I did not know how to respond. I was terrified and I was genuinely afraid of repercussions (I was right). He had a reputation of surrounding himself with his friends by placing them in leadership positions in societies. He was also known to be very petty and vengeful.
So, I responded as casually as possible and pretended to be very stupid. I also quickly brought the conversation back to work. 
He seemed a little pissed in our later interactions and called me boring for responding so vaguely.
After this event, I realised how vulnerable I was. The same person had authority over me and my career prospects in both the finance and consulting societies. The same person chose to interview me for my promotions, invite me out to dinners, and create opportunities to be alone or work with me. At the time, I saw this as what a mentor would do.
I wanted to highlight how this act may seem harmless (it looks like he’s just shooting his shot indirectly and vaguely). In any professional/semi-professional setting, especially one as big and prestigious as finance and consulting in Oxford, there is an inherent power dynamic. He had a large influence over my opportunities, my responsibilities, my reputation, and my future within that society and in the workplace (since we had strong industry connections).
When someone with power makes a personal and romantic proposition, it creates a coercive environment. I felt pressured to reciprocate, I was afraid of professional repercussions, and I was unable to say no. It was inappropriate, and blurs the distinction between a professional working relationship and a personal one.
Unknowingly, I was placed in an extremely vulnerable position. I was new to the country and to the university (which is why sharking happens). I didn’t have access to a support system (my parents were 15 hours away), and I was always his subordinate and sometimes under his direct management.
Sometime in Hilary Term
I grabbed coffee with my college mother. I decided to bring up the situation to her and ask for her advice, since she knew him.
She told me that she had heard something about me (although she didn’t know it was me) while talking with her friends. Apparently this person had been telling other members of the senior committee to “let me have my own way”. I was pushing for the consulting society to partner with more charities at a lower cost/pro bono and abandon our partnerships with startups, who would pay more for our consulting services. This person would apparently mention me in a creepy way, and give me special privileges without me knowing.
I felt extremely violated. This was a manipulation of power and a toxic environment. Even if it worked for me (I achieved my professional goals), I did not ask nor desire any preferential treatment, and my wins were granted due to someone’s romantic interest in me. I felt disgusted at the idea of a group of senior members discussing me and treating me like the president’s special interest, and at being someone’s lunchtime gossip.
The idea of “letting me have my own way” due to a creepy personal interest is manipulation. It’s about exercising control over a situation for personal gratification. This person was leveraging his power to subtly influence outcomes in a way that favoured me. It is a violation of my agency, and I began to ask myself whether I was in those societies because of my competency, or because of my looks.
Asking for help
I didn’t want to be a victim. I wanted to stand up for myself, so I began reaching out to people and asking them what I could do. At that time, my story became gossip within the finance/consulting circles. I also started noticing weird, long stares from him during meetings.
I tried to think of someone with power I could talk to.
- However, because I saw him as my mentor and trusted him, I also forgot to network with other people within the finance and consulting societies. He was my only connection in those places.
- He used his power to surround himself with his closest friends. Within the Oxford finance and consulting societies, all of the senior members were his closest friends. I had no one to talk to, and I didn’t know anyone well enough to trust that they would take my concerns seriously.
- I talked to my close friend in another finance society about my situation and asked him if there was anything I could do. He also said that no one would likely back me up if I did formally bring it up.
Getting kicked out, March 6
Eventually, I asked and told enough people about my story that it got around to him. I received this email during Hilary term.
This email was sent by the “Committee”, but I knew who has behind the email, since he put his name down in all the previous emails coming from this email address.
I knew I couldn’t have been kicked out due to lack of participation, since I was involved in building some of the hardest financial models within my group, and only missed sessions when my condition flared up.
I (in a state of panic and dread) reached out to my team leader, since the email mentioned that there was a discussion between my team leader and the committee agreeing to kick me out.
My team leader replied that he had no idea this happened and that this had never been brought up to him.
My team leader was very supportive and nice about it, but I wanted a clear explanation from the organisation as to who sent this email and why this happened, so I reached out to the Managing Director for M&A
The MD very casually dismissing the email, but didn’t really give me an explanation as to who and why.
When I asked more explicitly that I would like an explanation of what happened, I was left on read and never received any response.
Even though it was promised that the email and the affairs wouldn’t affect my application, I was not invited back to do an M&A pitch next term. This could be because my CV was uncompetitive or because my performance was poor, but I had received and completed spring weeks in one of the top European banks for M&A.
My last try
After this debacle happened, I decided I no longer wanted to work in finance and consulting. I was fed up by these experiences, didn’t find it intellectually challenging, and my AI timelines had considerably shortened. I quit the consulting society as well. I scheduled a meeting with the vice president of the consulting society (who was the president’s best friend)
In that meeting, I told him everything that happened to me. I knew that they were best friends, but still hoped that he would do something about it. Nothing much came out of that meeting, since he was probably present during those discussions about me and chose to do nothing. He told me that the president was already planning on stepping down soon, and since he was the president, he can’t really be fired, and the university can’t step in and do anything since its a society.
In retrospect
Why did no one help me?
I find myself asking this question a lot. Why did no one advocate for me, protect me, and tell me what was happening? How is it possible for a powerful guy to kick someone out without having to give any explanation? Why did I have to find out through gossip? Within both the finance and consulting societies, why didn’t the very few women (and men as well!!) speak up? Something about this being the United Kingdom and being Oxford made me naively believe that there would be repercussions and justice.
So many people were bystanders to what happened to me. I felt shame, anger, confusion, guilt, and isolation. Looking back, I can finally acknowledge that what happened to me was wrong.
Sometimes, when I see people from those committees, all I can remember is that they were bystanders. They had to know about what was going on, and chose to stay silent. I still see him in Oxford occasionally, and every time it makes me feel scared and numb.
Checks and balances
It scares me that this can happen so easily. At these many checkpoints, all that needed to happen for the person to succeed was:
- To scare me into accepting his romantic proposition
- To make me vulnerable and afraid such that I would not tell anyone about his sexual harassment and keep this situation quiet
- To threaten me by email so that I left the finance society quietly without asking my team leader and defending myself
- For me to not message an MD of the finance society asking for an explanation
- For me to not schedule a meeting with the vice president
- For me to not write a blogpost about my experiences
These are things that people around me might do if they were placed in a vulnerable place. If I were less experienced with dealing with workplace sexual harassment, had less friends around me to support me, or was less confrontational, I would have let this happen to me.
Power and rape culture
According to what I know (I may be wrong), Oxford does not have as much control over societies and what happens within them. Elite finance and consulting societies in Oxford are a highly efficient machine designed to pipeline students into prestigious, high earning careers. The recruitment timelines, spring weeks to summer internships to grad roles, mentorship structures, well-designed courses, high quality pitches, and industry connections become an impressive system rife with power imbalances. This inadvertently (or perhaps inherently) creates conditions where vulnerability and relationships can be exploited, especially for young women who have just entered university.
This intense competition and prescribed pathway to wealth and success can make young women feel pressured to tolerate discomfort and fear that speaking out can derail their carefully constructed future. Since it is often the only way aspiring students can get access to high quality finance training (industry knowledge is gate-kept), I felt pressured to overlook red flags and to prioritise opportunity over my own safety.
I have only seen two women compared to ~20 men in a position of leadership. This isn’t a diversity issue; its a power imbalance issue. The vast majority of decision-makers and influential figures are male (who are good friends with each other), and the homogeneity of power it inherently creates an environment where women are spoken over, less likely to be leaders, and have their experiences dismissed.
What now?
I don’t have a specific call to action. I guess I want people who are thinking of joining or currently in one of these societies to reconsider. I hope when you hear about gossip involving sexual harassment in the future to reach out and not be a bystander. I hope this doesn’t happen to you, and I would be happy to let you know who/where this happened so you can stay away.
Looking back, I wish I would have directly told him that I was uncomfortable and that he was harassing me. I wish I didn’t think about preserving my job or still try to work in finance.
This was a very unpleasant blogpost to write, but I think it was important to write. I had to relive everything that happened to me, and remember the fact that nothing will happen to the person who harassed me. He will most likely go on to win many stock pitches, win awards, and get a high paying job in a hedge fun.